I have done almost no sewing. I have really done almost no anything. My head is a bit messed up again, this being the time of year that Dad went really bad. I'm ruminating on all of that stuff again, and I know it's no good, but I don't know how to do otherwise.
Yes, sewing would help. The problem is, I still have not cleared up the clutter in here, and I am suffocating under the disorganization. Everywhere I look, there is a mountain of something to be done, and my brain just shuts down while trying to decide where to start. I can't put X away because Y is in the way of the closet door. If I open the closet, I have to clear out Z to get X in there. If I take out Z, I don't have the energy or the breath to deal with it, and there is nowhere to put it until I get that energy...which may not ever happen. Meanwhile, U, V and W are in equally bad shape.
So, I did do something about the leaky fridge. I got a small shop vac to clear it up every time it happens. Now I don't have a place for the shop vac, and the fridge still leaks.
Ever the glutton for punishment, I have committed myself to 2 new projects. I signed up for a Secret Santa, and I am hoping to make the Bonnie Hunter mystery quilt this year. I have the pieces 90% cut for the SS, and one of 10 blocks made. That is due to be shipped some time after Dec 1. If I can get it done, I can also ship out the baby quilt for my cousin at the same time. Money has been too tight to do it so far, and I haven't wanted to go outside in the daylight. (((crazy)))
I have all of the fabric for the BH quilt top. The first clue happens on Black Friday, day after Thanksgiving. I'm hoping that this will motivate me to tidy up, at least a little. I have done minimal shifting and re-positioning of things, but minimal will not be enough. I have a storage container that needs to be emptied into the trash, then refilled with ziplock bags of fabric and UFOs.
My foot swelling has never resolved, so that pain is one excuse I use. Problem is, it can't resolve if I don't take my meds. I haven't been. I can't manage to make myself do that either. My mind is a real clusterfuck, and I feel powerless to change it. I don't want this life, but I can't make myself do anything different..I have no reason to. There is no pot of gold at the end of this rainbow. There isn't even a rainbow. I am a petulant child, and I suck. I deserve every bit of this. Furthermore, nobody gives a fuck, least of all me.
